It's a new season of Legend of the Seeker, and the Seeker has a new mission. Apparently, killing evil sorcerer Darken Rahl in last season's finale (which will re-air tonight, for your convenience), triggered a series of rifts between the underworld and the world of the living. Now Richard Cypher and his two companions must find the Stone of Tears in order to stop it. Except the teaser shows that Rahl is back from the dead? So, that sucks.

November 7, 2009
Rob Lowe is suspected of killing his wife in the Lifetime original movie Too Late to Say Goodbye (Lifetime, 8 PM). Those brooding blue eyes will not get you out of this one, Lowe.

If you're interested in hearing sarcastic commentary about the week's news on Saturday nights, The Wanda Sykes Show (FOX, 11 PM) premieres tonight.

Taylor Swift hosts Saturday Night Live (NBC, 11:30 PM) this week. Will Kanye West show up, or will Kenan once again be misused? Will there be a Taylor Lautner appearance as well? We wait with baited breath...

November 8, 2009
Seth Macfarlane and Alex Borstein do it up Donnie and Marie style (They even kind of look like them, in a creepy way.) on Family Guy Presents: Seth & Alex's Almost Live Comedy Show (FOX, 8:30 PM).

If you care, this week's Keeping Up with the Kardashians (E!, 9 PM) features an hour-long special on the shotgun wedding of Khloe to Lamar Odom. If you do watch it, look for Bruce Jenner's wackadoo plastic face.

The season finale of Mad Men (AMC, 10 PM) is happening, without my permission. Until next year, Don Draper. You saucy minx.

November 9, 2009
Michael Gambon plays the eccentric caretaker of a large mansion in the HBO premiere of the BBC movie Joe's Palace (HBO Signature, 9 PM). The film centers on the dark secret on the origins of the money that paid for the mansion.

Uh-oh. Parents will become outraged when a threesome is depicted on this week's Gossip Girl (The CW, 9 PM). Kids will be kids. Meanwhile, Jenny looks to become Queen Bee of the entire Upper East Side by scoring a hot cotillion date.

Late on those car payments? A fourth season of Operation Repo (TruTV, 10 PM) will show you what happens when you lose the rights to your sweet Nissan Maxima. Hint: a hefty woman with painted on eyebrows might show up at your house with a tow truck.

November 10, 2009
This week's installment of V (ABC, 8 PM) has Erica and impossibly good-looking Father Jack realize that a seeker from the V's is following them. Who wouldn't follow Father Jack?

Do you want to have ten kids? Really? You'll probably want zero after watching Table for 12 (TLC, 8:30 PM), TLC's Jon & Kate Plus 8 heir apparent.

Maggie Smith plays an old woman revisiting memories of her youth in the same mansion chronicled in Joe's Palace in Capturing Mary (HBO Signature, 9 PM).

November 11, 2009
The final four models on America's Next Top Model (The CW, 8 PM) learn "hip-hop hula" moves. Amazing! Tyra has found a new way to offend another culture!

The 43rd Annual CMA Awards (ABC, 8 PM) air tonight. Is it wrong that I know all of the lyrics to Taylor Swift's "Love Story"? If it is, I don't want to be right.

On this week's Glee (FOX, 9 PM), a diva-off between Kurt and Rachel ensues. Also, Sue Sylvester reveals her softer side.

In yet another incarnation of the ghost investigation genre, Ghost Hunters Academy (SyFy, 10 PM) takes a bunch of wet-behind-the-ears kids and teaches them all about ghost stakeouts. One of the guys teaching them is named Dave Tango, which has to be one of the most awesome names ever.

November 12, 2009
Science of the Movies: Zombies! Science of the Undead (Science Channel, 8 PM) will show you how Hollywood creates those terrifying flesh-eating zombies onscreen.

A kidnapping becomes a hostage situation in New York on this week's Fringe (FOX, 9 PM) and some sort of "mysterious force" is detected.

Leslie and the rest of the Parks Department compete to think up a new design for a defaced mural on Parks and Recreation (NBC, 9 PM). Also, Andy has an awkward moment with Ron at the shoeshine stand.

Cheyenne Jackson guest stars on 30 Rock (NBC, 9:30 PM) as the new cast member of The Girlie Show. There will be plenty of Jenna and Tracy tantrums to go around.

November 13, 2009
In this week's episode of Ghost Whisperer (CBS, 8 PM), a real estate listing leads Melinda to a corpse. Central air? Check. 2.5 baths? Check. Gas fireplace? Check. Dead body waiting to be found? Price cut, please.

The scariest thing you'll see on Friday the 13th? A couple trying to plan a $15,000 wedding on TLC Special: Battle of the Wedding Planners (TLC, 10 PM).

It's guest-star-a-palooza night on White Collar! Not only does Natalie Morales (The Middleman) return, but we also get Callie Thorne (Rescue Me) as an art historian and Kirk Acevedo (Fringe) as an FBI agent when Peter and Neal are asked by a Mafia Don to help track down a missing Bible with legendary healing powers. And did we mention that the Don is played by John Ventimiglia from The Sopranos? Between all of these people and the awesome regular cast, this show is totally spoiling us.

White Collar airs tonight at 10/9C on USA. For more options, check out our Week in Preview!

The first ladies of Coto are back tonight, and here's what's changed: they're all broke now. I've long suspected that they were all credit card millionaires anyway, but now they claim don't even have much of that to play with anymore. I don't really buy it, but you know how This Economy! is. Jeana can't even have $400 lunches that often anymore! Seriously, that is what they're whining about in this episode. Also, Gretchen is dating the dirtball to end all dirtballs, Slade, which just makes me do a Linda Blair pea soup 360 every time I think about it, so let's just leave that in the gutter, where it likes to be anyway.

It's time for America's Next Top Swimsuit Model! Now that they're down to five contestants, Tyra is putting the girls in bikinis and bringing in Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover model Marisa Miller (O hai!) to give them sexpot lessons. Having seen the come-hither looks in some of her photos, I'm guessing Southern belle Laura doesn't need any lessons in that arena, which means Nicole, Erin, Jennifer and Sundai are gonna have to work it.

The lizard people are here! And it's... kind of exciting, I guess! Truth be told, it took me days to get through the pilot because I kept getting bored, but by the end I suppose I was glad I soldiered through it. I'm certainly glad Elizabeth Mitchell and Scott Wolf have jobs, so that's something. In any case, if you've seen the original and are looking for a respectful adaptation, this is actually a pretty good one. They took some liberties, but I think a couple of them were smart.

Poor little Leonard. Tonight, he realizes that Penny has been hiding her college football parties from him, so he enlists Sheldon's help to understand the game. Yes, Sheldon, of all people, to help him understand football. So that ought to be hilarious. Also, something called kite fighting goes on, and Raj and Wolowitz get in a real fight during it and stop being friends for a few minutes! I'm sad about that already -- emotionally wounded Wolowitz makes my heart cry worse than Sheldon needing "Soft Kitty" when he's sick.

Anyway, this show is great and you should watch it! But if you insist on defying me, our Week in Preview knows of other programs for you to watch tonight.

I guess since The Rachel Zoe Project is off the air and I somehow feel compelled to watch almost every competition reality show that is on, I will be giving the latest MTV offering a try. Basically, it's like Stylista (as a basis of comparison for the five people who watched that show), except that instead of competing for a job working on a magazine, you are working as a stylist doing shoots for magazines and the like.

October 31, 2009
Happy Halloween! In between handing out candy to grubby-handed children, tune in to Night of the Living Dead (AMC, 8:15 PM) and learn what real zombies are like.

November 1, 2009
The contestants take a "spooky trip to Holland" and one team must reveal a personal secret to the others on The Amazing Race (CBS, 8 PM). What's so spooky about Holland? Is it the windmills? I thought so.

At this point, are we even sure that Dr. Drew is a real doctor? Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew (VH1, 10 PM) premieres tonight. Unfortunately, the show does not feature any recognizable celebrities and there's no David Duchovny. Well, maybe that's a good thing.

I woke up today with a question lingering on my mind. Who will be dressing Kim Kardashian in the future? Styl'd: Fashion 101 (MTV, 10 PM) follows a group of young people trying to become celebrity stylists.

November 2, 2009
After Barney gives terrible relationship advice to Marshall, Marshall and Lily have a huge fight on How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8 PM).

Reality TV just gets more and more sleazy. In the second season of For the Love of Ray J (VH1, 9 PM), we'll find out that the singer impregnated a contest on the show last season. Classy.

On the season finale of Greek (ABC Family, 9 PM), the Zetas break out in a highly choreographed dance routine. The very same thing happened in my British lit lecture once...there were a lot of stunted, awkward movements.

On The Big Bang Theory (CBS, 9:30 PM), irony takes hold and Sheldon teaches Leonard about football.

No bitchassness allowed. I Want to Work for Diddy (VH1, 10 PM) finds a second season's worth of unwitting victims willing to do Diddy's dirty work. And get him cheesecake.

November 3, 2009
In yet another revival of the classic miniseries and a TV series that failed the first time, V (ABC, 8 PM) will introduce us to the hot alien chick Anna, who is probably more evil than her cute pixie haircut shows.

Samantha Ronson guest stars as (gasp!) a DJ and Pharrell performs on 90210 (The CW, 8 PM). Also guest starring is Rumer Willis as Gia, who helps Navid investigate drug use at West Beverly High.

A year after the 2008 election, the HBO special By the People: The Election of Barack Obama (HBO, 9 PM) follows the President on the campaign trail.

Kathy Griffin dishes on her date with Levi Johnston, which probably sucked. Kathy Griffin: Balls of Steel (Bravo, 9 PM) marks her seventh stand-up special on Bravo.

A second season of Tabatha's Salon Takeover (Bravo, 10 PM) may make you never want to visit a salon again. Here's to hoping that Tabatha can repair all salons one clogged drain at a time.

November 4, 2009
Oh no! Poor Jules is challenged by her friend to spend an entire day by herself on Cougar Town (ABC, 9:30 PM). That's easy. Why doesn't she just sit alone blogging all day...oh wait.

The team on CSI: NY (CBS, 10 PM) will learn what food sploshing is. Hint: it's kind of sexual, and definitely gross.

In Flowers Uncut with Jeff Leatham (TLC, 10 PM), we'll learn all about the stressful world of floral arrangements.

Top Chef (Bravo, 10 PM) features an all-stars dinner tonight, and Stefan will start beef with Marcel.

November 5, 2009
On this week's Community (NBC, 8 PM), the gang finds out that Jeff is living in his car and wants to help out. Hopefully Jeff will be forced to live with Pierce and we'll find out what that old man does in his spare time.

Sam and Dean get sucked into an alternate universe in which they are characters in different TV shows on Supernatural (The CW, 9 PM). This is a total rip-off of the best John Ritter movie ever - Stay Tuned.

Following the disaster that was Stone Mountain, Georgia, auditions for a new TGS actor are held on 30 Rock (NBC, 9:30 PM).

More overgrown mean girls? Sign me up. Slade returns to The Real Housewives of Orange County (Bravo, 10 PM) as Gretchen's new squeeze, and Jeana is broke. Supposedly.

Just in case you're tired of watching those two old guys discuss movies, The Rotten Tomatoes Show (Current, 10:30 PM) gives an honest spin on potential cinematic adventures. And you can even record a review that may air on the show.

November 6, 2009
Would you be interested in watching something depressing? Try Platinum Babies (WE, 9 PM), which documents idiot parents that spend $100,000 on baby showers for their kids. Nothing says stupid like gold-plated rattles.

You know that guy who wrote that terrible book that tells girls that some guy is just not into her? His comedy special, Greg Berendht: That Guy from That Thing (Comedy, 12 AM) airs tonight.

It's Halloween and CBS is going all out. Medium has Elvira guest starring. But first... (this is Julie Chen's home network after all!) Ghost Whisperer meets the Headless Horseman. Yup. He's in ghost form or whatever, but still, headless horseman in this Sleepy Hollow themed episode.